Rabies from Scar-face

I’M SICK of being propositioned by suitors. In an effort to get me hitched, Jo-Jo (my Monkey’s Paw) has been encouraging  the many suitors to advance upon me. They would try to get to me at night if I hadn’t thought of fixing the walls and padlocking the doors of a local trader’s back shed in which I am currently residing in.

The most aggressive of them is a woman monkey I call “Scar-face”. She’s a bit suggestive.

"Hey beautiful"

“Hey beautiful”

I’m too scared to talk to her, and it’s not because I care what she thinks. Yesterday, Scar-face told me she had rabies, bit me on the neck, and offered out some sort of syringe which she said I needed to take as soon as possible if I didn’t want to die a most painful death.

“I’ll give it to you,” she tittered. “But you have to put a ring on it first.”

“I think we’re done here,” I said, climbing to the top of a tree and waiting for the first signs of madness. Or whatever symptoms humans get for rabies.

I’m not mad yet! And maybe I can fight the madness away by shrieking at the top of my lungs.

“Hey beautiful”
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Bitstrip war with my crush (round 2)

I HAVE fought so much temptation since I found my smart phone near the creek. I have not posted stupid Bitstrip photos to Gina, the girl I have a crush on. It’s stupid and immature. I know that now.

Last week we flirted a little using Bitstrip. Though she might say otherwise. She sent the last Bitstrip photo and I meant to send another one, but Jo-Jo threw the phone away so I wouldn’t retaliate.

Anyway, she sent me another Bitstrip photo this morning!


Okay, so maybe it is true. Maybe I have visited her office a lot lately with a retinue of monkey bodyguards (with the excuse that I have a few hot scoops for her). And sure, maybe there might have been a few pens that were dropped. And sure, maybe she might have seen my arse the seven or eight times I bent down in my skinny black jeans.

But she has just brought on ROUND TWO!

So I sent her a nice photo.


To which she replied:

Gina: Ha Ha Ha. You have made a powerful enemy, my friend.

Monkey King: Ooh, who?

Gina: Didn’t anybody tell you not to annoy a TV presenter?


That’s when I probably took it way too far. She never replied to my next one.


Categories: Animation, Humor, Romance | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Bitstrip war against my crush

ON Tuesday I nearly fell off a tree branch in surprise. Gina actually added me as a friend on Facebook.

Unfortunately I got a bit carried away in excitement, and I misunderstood this friendship. So I sent her a Bitstrip photo. In my defence, I’d had a few beers, and I checked with Mojo and Abu before I sent it, and they said…”ha ha. It will be fine. She’ll love it!”

Bitstrip with Gina1

No. She didn’t love it.

Now a normal nice girl might delete me off Facebook, or (more likely) totally ignore it and make me realise my terrible mistake with a “OMG!” when I sobered up.

Instead, she retaliate.d. With another Bitstrip photo.

Bitstrip with Gina2

And it escalated from there.  I said to the monkeys, “wow, she is so hot right now! I’m going to send her another message.” And Jo-Jo (the only monkey with some sense) said, “um…no, don’t do that”.

But the others said “YEAH Monkey King. You’re a legend.”

So I declared my love.

Bitstrip with Gina3

Now, once again, a normal chick might ignore the stupidity of a drunk. Or perhaps (less likely) be flattered. But oh no. She retaliated.

Screw You Buddy!

Bitstrip with Gina4

I was like “Wow, I like her a lot, one more!” and Jo-Jo screamed “NO!” and threw the phone away.  So no more  Bitstrip until I find that phone =(

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Bedtime stories for monkeys: The Monkey vigilante

THE monkeys love it when I tell them stories. They think I am a great storyteller. And it helps them get to sleep sometimes. I’ll tell them the classics, like how monkeys learn to count in a low socio-economic New York suburb called Banana Street, or how giant alien robots that turn into giant monkeys land on Earth in the middle of a civil war.

But tonight I  will share another popular story with the monkeys, and with you (they really do get a kick out of your likes and comments). Tonight…you will hear about:


People once believed that when someone dies, a monkey carries their soul to the land of the dead.



Now, calm down monkeys, don’t freak out or I will stop telling this story! Abu! Stop pulling Mojo’s hair right now. I mean it! Okay, at least it’s a gentle tugging now. Anyway…

The Monkey crow 3

Zombie monkey

And queue kick-ass revenge story. Now, go to sleep monkeys. Shut up Jo-Jo. You don’t get to hear what happens until the next blog post.

Click for Part 2 

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Bitstrip picture of the Monkey King

Monkey king animation pic

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Coronation portrait

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